Why Are We Still Slut Shaming?

Red Harness from Colette & Sebastian.JPG

Wearing: Colette & Sebastian Mila Harness

Alright, Lacers, this particular topic has been weighing heavily on my mind recently. So, I thought it deserved an entire post dedicated to just this.

Slut shaming.

Although I cannot speak for all women- but I can venture to guess we experience a little bit of at least once in their life. Sometimes, it's more.

Just to quickly remind you, though I trust that you're aware of the actual definition. The word slut is defined as a WOMAN who has many casual partners. Google also has labelled this word a derogatory word. I'd like to agree. To me, it’s probably the most derogatory word in the language surpassing both the F*CK & CU*T word times a million.

But hey, that's just me.

The word slut and I go way back. But we became super acquainted when launching this blog. Just preparing myself for the opinions of the outside world. And the possible hate that would be thrown my way. People who just didn't want to hear nor accept my message. Again, that's something that comes with the price of putting yourself on the internet wearing lingerie. I guess I get it. The topic is still considered a taboo with certain stereotypes attached. What can I say? That's one of the many reasons I started this blog.

For the most part, I've been lucky on the internet and my social media platforms. I've only encountered one major "SLUT SHAMING" experience by a man troll who felt the need to come onto my Instagram profile and share his views on my content. Well, not even my content. Just had it in for me. But like, boobs are apart of our anatomy. & some of us need a little extra support in that area. But like, I guess this guy is entitled to his feelings anyway.

Just a brief side note. Although you might "feel" or "see" things a certain way. It doesn't mean anyone else HAS to agree with your opinion nor perspective. Or even make your views any less valid.

I do, however, encounter these experiences often in real life. Specifically, during the art of small talk, both by men and women, the moment they hear what I do. Again, it's the price I pay for doing what I do. Just to be clear, this is not EVERY encounter. There are definitely people out there who get the message and appreciate the info.

The typical judgement experience goes a little something like this:

Men:

"When can we go lingerie shopping together." Obviously not even listening to a word that comes out of my mouth. Assuming he's got a chance using that lame, unoriginal pick-up line.

Women:

Immediately changes the subject or exits the conversation. Okay, girl, we'll just pretend that you don't have boobs and don't wear bras.

Before you think to yourself "maybe just don't tell them what you do." Why should I have to hide what I do? I'm incredibly proud of this blog. & it's also kinda what I do...

Oddly enough, I've learned how to cope with the male comments more than female. For some reason or another, I cannot accept the female judgement, rival, tension shame....whatever you want to call it....still exists in our culture. It's also really hypocritical of me because here I am judging women, who judge other women. But don't we already have to deal with enough? Like, can't we just be kind to one another? But I guess if we dive deeper into this, maybe in a fucked up way we still hold each other accountable to these outdated societal expectations. Even if we don't expect ourselves to meet those same standards.

Like, how "we're not supposed to":

Sleep around.

Take provocative selfies.

Wear bikinis after we have children.

Dress in revealing clothes.

Talk about our bodies.

Instead, we're supposed to be ashamed.

It's taught at a young age too. Before making the decision to go back to school. I really didn't think too deep into the fact there would be a considerable age gap between the other girls and me. Like, I knew it. But didn't understand. Part of me is really immature and enjoys how these girls keep me young. Other parts of me have to relive a few growing pains. Or at least watch them from the sidelines.

It's all the same story too. One girl has a night out, she has the time of her life and cannot wait to tell her friends all the juicy details. Some friends are vicariously living through her and others are sitting there profusely judging.

I'm one to believe our twenties, especially the earlier parts, are supposed to be about exploration (another concept with too many layers and variables). You move out of your parent's house for the first time. You're in a new city. Perhaps you say fuck education and go off travelling the world. Or maybe you're not quite clear with your sexuality and decide to explore that too.

Whatever the thing might be, go and explore that. & if you find yourself along your journey judging someone else. Acknowledge the feeling, accept it, and if you're brave...get to the root of it. You might find the judgement comes from a reflection of yourself.