The Chronicles of Why Are You Single?
Welp, I am a 28-year-old single gal.
Wow- writing that out seems really fucking awkward, uncomfortable, and strange. Not the single part, but the fact I am 28. Because I (sure as hell) don't feel it. Would also like to think I don't look it either (wink, wink). Although my driver's license tells me, I am 28. For all that it's worth, I feel more 21.
By this point, I thought I would have my "shit together." Ya know, "the job," "the car," and maybe even "the house." Oh, and why don't we throw in the stable relationship while we're at it. Aka all of the shit "society" thinks we should have at this age. Instead, I am back in school full-time. After swearing up and down, that I would never step foot in a classroom ever again. At the same time trying to become some sort of famous blogger who helps women redefine their relationship with lingerie. What can I say? I decided to follow my calling a little bit later in life.
But I guess, I've hit that "awkward" stage in life where the questions and concerns begin to arise. What's your plan? Where are you going in life? Are you going to move back to the States? Are you working? Wait, you have three more years left of school? And the best one, when are you going to settle down and find a man? I usually brush the questions off with some sort of sarcastic response, because it's much easier than having to admit "I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE."
During my mom's most recent visit to Europe, she brought up the dating thing. Well, it was more like a heartfelt lecture on why I should start dating again. The first time in my tiny little existence that she's ever wanted me to date. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "wait until you're 30" (haha). Me being the sassy bitch I am, I respond with: "I thought I was supposed to wait for 30."
To be completely honest here, I haven't had much desire to date since my break-up last January. No flings, no dinners, no flirting, no boys. Just a ton of blocked numbers, read receipts and fake names in the past 18 months. Maybe that makes me lame AF. Or perhaps, I'm just frank with what I want (and not prepared to settle). Plus, I hardly have the time to write a blog post and sew a bra. How am I supposed to shit out enough time for dating?
Just to give you some context, the last time I was on a date was 2017. And the last first date, sometime 2015- maybe?
If you answered that question with "online dating." Let me just stop you right there and say NO. I understand why other people do it, but it's not for me. My BFF met her husband through a dating site. I can attest that they are happy together and expecting baby number three in a few weeks. So, I am well aware of the benefits. It's convenient, there are a lot of choices, you can swipe/chat on your own time. But it feels so cynical to judge someone based on looks and a flimsy bio alone. I also find it strange to begin a relationship via messages (which is a recipe for disaster in my opinion). Emotion, intention and body language can't exactly be transmitted into text. Making you super vulnerable to a misunderstanding. It's also easy to build up this character in your head, and they turn out to be a total doozy. And send you unsolicited dick pics after he goes home from the date. Long story short, it's just not my cup of tea. I'd much rather meet someone doing something that brings me joy.
Surprisingly enough, I do not crave the attention that comes with dating. Not even a little bit. Not the good morning texts, nor the compliments, not even the cuddles. All of that actually sounds more exhausting than exciting. Mainly, because I have been really in tune with my needs, and trust that I will always give myself the attention that I require. Like, if I want flowers, I go get them. If I want a romantic setting with spaghetti, I make a reservation. I have zero shame in taking myself on a date, bowling, dinner, drinks- you name it. Very Destiny's Child Independent Women part. 1 vibes.
Dating is also really fucking complicated when you're a "lingerie blogger." Those simple words will change a bros attitude quicker than flicking on a lightbulb. Suddenly, I am no longer a person, but some sort of conquest to fulfil some fantasy. In the beginning, it annoyed me to no end. Now, I view it as the natural weeding process of a fuck boy. Even for the 'progressive' world, we live in, those words still remain taboo, and something most men DO NOT want to explain to mom. No, this is not me complaining. I thought about ALL of this long and hard before committing to that title. My conclusion remains the same. That I won't give up on this venture just to have a man in my life. I'd much rather stay single than settling for anything less than I want.
If it's meant to be, it will be (cue Florida Georgia Line).
So, why have I overshared on yet another blog post? I wanted to articulate the exact response I gave my mother after the inevitable question "why are you not dating?" The reality is, I do not owe her nor anyone else an explanation. I find that articulating my truth allows me to be confident in my decision despite the comments anyone else makes. It also shelved the conversation with my mother until further notice. I know that I am lucky to have that type of support, some of you might face the opposite. Where Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas brunch turns more into an interrogation rather than an enjoyable holiday. These situations are tricky to navigate. Do you tell Aunt Mildred to shut up when she lectures you about marriage? Or say to Grandpa Gil to go shove it up his ass, when he comments on your feministic ways? I don't really know the right answer here. The only advice I can give is to be brave with your truth. Share what you feel comfortable sharing and say whatever brings you discomfort. If your family or even friends can't respect your wishes, I'd say it's time to set boundaries.
It's taken me a long to realize that it's more than okay to be content doing your own thing. That there is no shame or even anything wrong with living a single life- ESPECIALLY IF IT GIVES YOU PEACE and JOY. And if someone tries to bring you down about it. Remember it's a reflection of them, NOT YOU.