Why it's important to 'self date'


Wearing: Soutien Gorge Rama by Cadolle (30E)

So it's been one of those Saturday's where getting out of bed is more than a struggle. My body literally feels like it was hit by a bus last night. Maybe strolling home at 4:44 in the morning wasn't the greatest of ideas. I even tried to brew myself a pot of coffee hoping to stay up for the 8 am CrossFit class (clearly, I am full of all these bright ideas). Can we all just laugh together on this? I guess I have to face the fact I'm no longer a spring chicken. And clearly no longer have the stamina of a 21-year-old to keep up with these allnighters. Ready for the most embarrassing part to all of this? I was dead sober last night. (#SoberNovember). Why I'm struggling so much is beyond me. Today was meant for more productive things, like finalizing this essay that's due next week. Or finishing up a class project. But staying cozy in bed with velvet panties while chocolate chip cookies and watching the Alabama game sounded like a much better idea.

Normally, my Friday nights are not this exciting and avoid going out like it's the damn plague (although, the that seems to be a common occurrence in my life). I much prefer a nice relaxing evening in. This way I can finish all the dumb "adulting" things we are forced to do. So I can enjoy my weekend without having to obsess over all the annoying chores. Yesterday just so happened to be a minor fluke. Lucky for me, my only class scheduled for the day was in the afternoon. To my surprise I found myself sitting around in a clean apartment by 11 am. Completely unusual. So for shits and giggle, I decided to go stalk out my favorite DJ on Facebook. In no way did I expect to see that he was actually playing at an event in London that night. So I took it as a sign, purchased a ticket and decided it was the perfect night for a 'self-date.'

Now I am sure there are a few of you wondering WTF is a 'self-date?'

To break it down for you, it's literally a date that you take yourself on.

I personally think it's vital to set aside time specifically for yourself that calls for a little pampering, just to 'check-in.'

The poll on Instagram says that quite a few of you are also into the whole 'self-date' thing. AMAZING. Even shout out to the few guys who voted YAH.

Don't want to be the person to burst your bubble, but let's not confuse a 'self-date' with going out alone. Personally, I believe they are two different entities. Why? The mentality. Think about it for a hot second. Do you have any rituals you do before going on a date with someone you're super into?

Maybe take a bubble bath?

Wear your favorite perfume?

Sprinkle on a little deodorant?


Spend a few extra minutes fixing your hair?

Put on a super HOT look?

Regardless of what your routine is. The point here is you're showing up as your best self for someone else. Why not do this for yourself?

Question: How do you figure out where to take yourself on this date?

Well, this will vary from person to person. What do you like to do? Is there something you've never experienced before and have always wanted to try? Maybe you love the ballet but have been waiting for Mr. Big to sweep you off your feet and take you. Or perhaps there is a new Mexican restaurant opening in town, and you could go a spicy margarita with a side of guac. Whatever it is that floats your boat, go do it.

Lately, I've been all about dancing. It's one of the very few ways I've allowed myself to relax and just be without any guilt. Getting lost in the music away from deadlines, school, and life problems. I used to love trying trendy restuarants, but I found myself playing on my phone texting away rather than thoroughly enjoying the experience. So, I had to switch things up.

Question: How often do you take yourself on dates?

Again, this will vary person to person depending on their circumstance. For a single gal like me, who is going to school full-time and attempting this whole blog thing. I would recommend no less than once a month.

Question: Are there any 'rules?'

Limit your phone use, in fact, turn the damn thing off.

Try not to mingle and make friends. The point of a 'self-date' is to be with yourself and enjoy your company (again, this is where the self-date and going out alone differ).

Check in and see how you're doing.

Most importantly, have fun and enjoy yourself.

Question: is it awkward?

At first, it seems a little awkward. You walk into a restaurant alone, and you start assuming what people are thinking. But trust me, they're more concerned with getting their second drink. Or why a side of guac of is so expensive. Literally, nobody cares what you're doing. The awkwardness more comes from not feeling it's okay to enjoy your own company, alone.

Question: So, what are the benefits?

I mean, if you're not familiar with this concept it sounds fucking bizarre. Believe me, I get it. Self-dates are something I began practicing when I moved out to LA for the first time. Though I had family out there, I really had no friends, but I wanted to experience everything. So I put on my big girl panties and took myself out. No limitations. Whatever the fuck I wanted to do.

The most important benefit, in my opinion, is being comfortable being alone. All the time I see people preventing themselves from new experiences because "they have no one to go with." Literally, this is the lamest excuse in the entire world. If you wait around for someone, you might be waiting forever. These dates allow us to become comfortable doing things alone (which is how you can meet new people and make friends, btw). I would also like to bring up the fact that I self-date while in a relationship. It allows me to be independent outside of the relationship. Make sure I am okay, because if you're running on empty how do you expect to give what you don't have?

At the end of the day, we all get caught up in this thing called life and go through the motions. We prioritize our jobs. Significant other. Kids. Bosses. But how are you making time for yourself? Self-care has become such a common phrase that can be practiced through meditation and a skincare routine. When really there are so many different possibilities to self-care you just have to get out there and figure our whatever it is that makes your heart sing.

Girl TalkMelissa Cherniss