How do you find the confidence to wear lingerie?

Hanky Panky Retro Thong in Black.JPG

Wearing: Hanky Panky Retro Thong (one size)

How do you find the confidence to wear lingerie?

By far, this is the most popular question you lacers ask. It pops up all the time and truthfully I never really knew how to answer it. So, instead of blurting out a few random thoughts. I figured it would be best to take a step back and reflect on my actual opinion.

Now, if we're being totally honest here, this question used to baffle me. I'd see the question floating around my Instagram DMs. And I would be squinting with pure confusion taking a more defensive route.


Why do I need to explain myself?

Is it too much to ask to wear my panties in peace?

Oh, it must be because I am not a size zero that I need to justify my choices?

But the reality is, yes. I do need to explain myself. Because just maybe this isn't about me at all. And you lingerie lovers are looking for a tip or two to find that same confident peace.

Slightly off topic, but it's funny that I am writing out this blog post in the midst of filming for the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Ten years ago, the show sparked a fire in me to enter this wonderful world of lingerie. I remember sitting on my living room floor wrapped in my zebra Snuggie. Watching the Angels strut down the runway, for the very first time. All I kept thinking is EVERY SINGLE LINGERIE LOVER DESERVES TO FEEL LIKE AN ANGEL WHEN THEY PUT ON THEIR BRA AND PANTIES. Honestly, people, this brilliant marketing strategy was hitting me like the god damn plague. But then, right after the show was over. VS had the bright idea to air a few commercials of their Holiday campaign. And I shit you not, the ad spoke directly to men, with an underline message that women want to give their bodies for the holiday season. Or at least that was my interpretation (hence the mini vendetta that we'll get into in another blog post). Major eye roll.

And yes boys, there is a point to women wearing cute lingerie even when no one else is looking. WE ARE THE REASON.

Wait, where was I? Totally got a little carried away there for a hot second.


To me, I define confidence as owning it even when everyone else is looking at you funny. My beliefs are rooted in choice. And I support every woman going out into the world, discovering her likes and dislikes then making a formative decision that will best suit her lifestyle. No matter how dull, adventurous, or scary it might be (obviously, as long as this choice isn't putting herself or others in harm's way) stand by it and fuck everyone else.

Believe in yourself. Because when you believe in yourself, you don't give a shit what anyone else has to say.

Sure things are a bit crazy right now. It seems like we're living in a time where it's trendy to judge everyone about every single detail of their life. Everything we do, post, say is put out there for the world to scrutinize and throw back in our faces. Like, no matter what we do we can't win.

Maybe the new mom of twins would much rather use her alone time in a bubble bath reading a book instead of hitting the gym.

Maybe the girl who moved to a different country would rather hit the gym than stay home alone.

Maybe the new student who moved from home for the first time would rather spend her time rushing a sorority.

One thing I know for sure, we never know what is going on behind closed doors. So, let's stop judging.

It might seem super off topic to go on and on about decision making when you're looking for a few tips on wearing lingerie with confidence. But don't you see? That's the very first step: deciding to feel confident in your bras and panties. Now, we get to erase all of those beauty standards you've learned through the various channels of media. Because the only person who get's to decide what's beautiful, is you. And just a reminder you do include your body in this.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving your body. Not even just for wearing lingerie, but for life in general. Google has informed me that the definition of love is a strong feeling of affection. And if I'm not mistaken we ALL show love differently. So, what works for your BFF Jill, might not work for you. Again, only you can decide what will work for you.

I would be totally lying if I told you this process was easy. It takes a lot of practice to get into a positive place and even more effort to stay there. Some of you already know that I've struggled hard maintaining a positive body image this year. I went from a size four to a twelve/fourteen in six months. And now I am back to a solid six and overall, feeling like myself again, but that's all for another blog post. It's okay to have ups and downs, after all, we are human.

This post kind of went in so many different directions. And I am not even sure if I even answered the original question:

Basically, I find the confidence through practicing to love my body, abiding by my own set of beauty standards (which usually involved half straight hair, oversized sweater shirts, and Lululemon leggings), balance, and lastly remembering I'm a fucking human being.

Girl TalkMelissa Cherniss