So, Women Should Feel Comfortable Expressing Their Sexuality SANS Judgment

Babydoll Belleue Chemise in Ribbed Fabric.JPG

Wearing: Bellevue Baby Doll by Maison Close (in black size large)

It's looking like my pitstop in Los Angeles is going to be extended until further notice.  Not that there is any reason to complain about it.  The sun is very much shining, and it's 69 degrees outside.  Sometimes I question my reasoning for leaving this place.  Oh, that's right to take a chance on my dream job.  I guess it's worth it.  


My departure date has been postponed due to some mechanical difficulties with my vehicle.  Not exactly sure what is going on, but the air conditioning stopped working.  And that needs to be fixed stat.  Have you ever driven in the middle of the desert at 101 degrees and no AC?  I'll save you the pain and let you know it was hotter than hell.  Like, I am not even sure what possessed me to drive out there with my car running half-assed.  The pressures of Coachella, pretty hair and Stagecoach probably has something to do with it.  In the end, it was worth it.  But I sure am ready for Judy to be put back together again (like Humpty Dumpty).  Oh, Judy is the given name to my 2007 Volvo that I refuse to get rid of.  It's safe, and plan to drive this thing right into the ground.  Or possibly a lake during my next trip cross country.  All jokes aside, it doesn't make sense to do an upgrade when I am leaving for London in four months (holy fuck, that is so soon).  So it's Judy and me until the very end.  

Thankfully, my BFF is letting me crash at her apartment here.  She's actually out of town this week celebrating her birthday in Houston.  And I'm over here sorting her clothes are reorganizing her life.  All she wanted this year was a clean room and an organized closet.  So I am making it my mission to do so.  We're on laundry load 845397 already, and there is still more to go.  Seriously, this girl has so much clothing.  After folding shirt 364, I started thinking about women and their sexuality and the way they express themselves.  I know, bizarre.  But folding clothes will have that effect on you.  So, I thought I'd take a break to sit down and compose my thoughts on the matter.  

Google has defined sexuality in three different ways: 

1.  Capacity for sexual feelings 

2.  A person's sexual orientation or preference 

3.  Sexual activity 

Bellevue Babydoll Ribbed Fabric.JPG

The first two I am on board with, number three I think is dangerous to include.  Here is why:  


JUST BECAUSE A PERSON (MALE OR FEMALE) EXPRESSES HIS/HER SEXUALITY, IT DOES NOT MEAN THEY CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY.  


And just a thought to anyone (of all genders) reading this, consent is fucking sexy. 

When I first began this blog, I would roll my eyes at anyone who associated lingerie with sex.  Mainly, that's the first thing someone thinks of when they hear the word "lingerie."  It's sad really because bras and panties serve a much greater purpose other than being appealing.  Try dating as a lingerie blogger.  The moment I tell a man what I do for a living, their brain starts turning.  I can't even tell you the number of times I've heard "we should shop for lingerie together."  Please, this is not the purpose of my blog.  As soon as a man says this, I lose interest.  Did you not just hear me talk for the last two minutes?  Explaining the purpose of blogging is to help women find new brands and discover what works for them?  Nah, because they're too busy fantasizing about their own needs.  Boy, bye.  Just to let you know, it's pretty fucking transparent.  That is the risk I take with this blog.  

But my thoughts on everything changed a few months ago during a trip to New York City.  In fact, you can read all about that moment here.  


With time, I've learned there is that fine line between sex and sexuality.  And everyone has different views on where that line stands.  It makes sense right?  We're humans with different values and process information differently.  It's all okay in my book, as long as someone isn't standing there forcing their views, aggressively, onto others.  Again, consent is sexy AF.  It's so strange that we live in a culture where it is acceptable for men to parade around without a shirt on.  You see it at festivals, the beach, even the gym.  But the moment a woman wears a bikini that is too "skimpy" people lose their fucking shit.  They'll assume the worst and create up fabricated stories about her.  How about have a conversation with someone before judging them based on their physical appearance?  Seriously, so over it.  On the other hand, let's stop placing our worth through the eyes of another being.  Who the fuck cares what they think?  If you're happy and safe, that's the only thing that should matter. 


I guess it's taken me a year to understand and develop my own personal definition of sexuality.  What it means to me, and how I chose to express it.  I've stopped rolling my eyes when people associate lingerie and sex.  Because let's be real for a second.  It's fun to dress for the occasion, every now and then.  And it would be unhealthy and unethical for me to ignore this concept.  I've learned that my irritation comes from women feeling the need to dress up with the sole intention of pleasing someone else.  The experience should also include you, seeing you're the one wearing the item.  It's always important to ask yourself "do you feel sexy wearing that piece?"  


Maison Close Bellevue Babydoll in Black.JPG



It absolutely breaks my heart when women shop for exactly what their SO wants to see.  I get it; you want to give.  But the problem comes, what if the fire engine red bodysuit he suggested isn't the right fit for your body?  Maybe the sheer black teddy suits you better?  My advice, never ask them what they want.  Compromise.  In the end, your significant other wants you to be happy.  


A quick tip for you, stop with the inspiration pictures.  Pinterest can be your best friend, but also your worst enemy.  I'll explain.  Last week I drove all the way out to Phoenix to get my hair done.  Totally batshit, but well worth the voyage.  Literally, every time this girl does my hair (even the very first time), I sit back and let her do her thing.  I don't bring a photo.  We chat a little bit about the season, care expectations, and length between visits.  Afterall, she is the hair professional.  Looking at my hair, she'll be able to see how it will react to the dyes and toners.  But she'll have the better idea what will look best for my hair and complexion. Yes, I've done the whole "here is a picture thing,"  and always end up disappointed that I didn't magically turn into Katherine Webb (she's always been my hair muse) after it was all said and done.  


The same thing goes for lingerie.  Head over to your local lingerie boutique.  I've got a list for you right here.  They are the professionals and the people that will help you find the perfect piece based on your body.  Trust me on this one; it'll be worth your while.  



Xx

Melissa